(Written for and published on Jasmin.com)
Being the side chick isn’t something people are usually proud of, and in many cases it shouldn’t be. However, there are some circumstances where, depending on where you’re at in life, it just isn’t your problem to be concerned about. If you are single and just hoping to meet someone to have a casual intimacy with (a “friends with benefits”) and they happen to be in a relationship, it may be okay if it doesn’t violate your personal values.
It’s their relationship and their choice if they step outside of it, and not entirely your responsibility to make moral decisions about what is right for them. However, if it is against your values, make sure you speak up and remove yourself from the situation. Communicate either way, because you never know what arrangement they may have in their relationship.
If you do happen to find yourself in a situation where you are into someone and wanting to take it to the next level but they are dragging things out or acting “strange”, here are some tell-tale signs that they may already be in a relationship.
1) The bed remains made and you aren’t allowed to “make love” on it
You find yourself with this individual whom you really like and see a few times a week but they often have tricky schedules and curfews. Okay, maybe they work a lot or don’t stay out late, which is fine. However, you are hardly invited over and when you are, you never stay the night and if you get jiggy with it, you aren’t allowed on the bed. This is a bit out of the ordinary; you should at least be able to hook up on the bed from time to time. Sure, other areas of the house are fun, but if that bed remains made and you never get on it… there is definitely something to think about.
2) You are only the booty call
Being the booty call doesn’t always necessarily mean that they are in a relationship with someone else, but it is a common telltale sign to look out for. If they are only calling you late nights on the weekends after being out with friends, then that may mean they may have had a boys’ or girls’ night out and some freedom…enough to call you. This is especially something to pay attention to after 11pm at night. Don’t be fooled though, this may happen on the weekdays as well!
3) You don’t meet friends or family
One very common tell-tale sign is if you have been spending time with someone for longer than 6 months and you have never been invited to meet any friends or go on outings. Within a six-month period of time, there is bound to be a birthday, wedding, friend’s dinner, engagement party, baby shower, family BBQ, etc. If you haven’t been invited to any of those, it is certainly something to think about.
If you suspect some of the above situations might apply to you and aren’t sure what to do, feel free to email me at DrYvonka@DrYvonka.com! I’ll be happy to help you sort things out and get what you want out of it all.